I wonder how long I've been a nail biter? I've been one for pretty much as long as I remember, but I have a vague impression that I wasn't like this since the start. I wonder what was the reason why baby me started biting their nails? My mother has accused my cousin for it before since he used to bite his nails. She's said it's his fault for teaching me a bad habit... but I've always had the impression that that's not quite true. That's not really the reason why I started biting my nails. Maybe it was just a thing that started when I was stressed as a child...? Well, there's not much point thinking about it now.

The real problem is the fact that I'm still biting my nails, even now. I never really did manage to kick the habit entirely. Even if I manage to stop for a period of time, it's always there hovering at the back of my mind, waiting for just a small little opening where I slip up, and then the habit returns at full strength again. A quick Google says it takes from 18 to 254 days for a new habit to form, but what does that make habits that have been around for more than 20 years? How hard is it to unlearn a habit that's so deeply ingrained? I guess logically it would be about the same amount of time as it took to form it, but I've definitely fallen back into nail biting much faster than 18 days.

Maybe what I'm battling is more like an addiction than just a simple habit. That makes my fight even harder, I suppose. If that's the case, then at this point I should just be thankful that it's such a low-risk addiction compared to what it could have been.

I do really want nice nails, though. It's not like I want them to be super long or anything... I've lived for far too many years with non-existent nails to suddenly want them to be long now. I'd just be grateful if they looked presentable instead of chewed down to the brink of causing myself to bleed.

I guess for now the easiest thing I can do is to keep my hands busy and nowhere close to my mouth, and just try my best to resist the urge.